You know your life is exciting when….

Posted: March 28, 2012 in Uncategorized

So for the last two nights I have successfully made it into my apartment without having to see Bob. I had several colleagues Monday night offer to walk me home. I thought about seriously taking them up on the offer but then thought, “I can’t be escorted to and from my apartment all the time.” At some point I have to go the store or the library or CVS or whatever. And I will have to vacate the building on my own. So I said to myself, “Suck it up buttercup” and home I went. Monday night I was on the phone with Matt when I arrived home around 6:30p. This is later than usual as I normally get home around 4:45p. Part of the lateness was me making up for missing the beginning part of the day for court but also to switch up my routine. If he doesn’t know when to expect me anymore, he can’t be laying in wait. At least that is my theory. It sucks that I have to redesign my entire life around this giant a-hole but if it keeps me safe, I’ll do it.

Last night I went out to Salem after work to view an apartment. Okay, crap of toast, what the hell is up with traffic around here? Seriously someone needs to build more roads or put in more freaking lanes. I’ve never seen anything like it. Now, I am no stranger to slow moving traffic. Growing up in Indiana, you WILL get stuck behind a big ass combine. It’s just a part of life. So as I crept along 128 N trying to get to Salem I imagined that I was stuck behind the most ginormous combine in the world. I also decided that I will need some audio books to keep my mind occupied. Normally, on a good day, the drive to Salem is 40 minutes. So to test out how long the evening commute would be, I left work my normal time (4:30p) and headed to Salem. Traffic became a nightmare at exit 30. I need exit 45. Traffic was never at a dead stop which is good but it was moving quite slowly. People in wheelchairs and street sweepers would be winning the traffic race for sure. Once I got to exit 45 and got unto Lowell Street to take me into Salem, easy-peasy. There was some traffic but nothing really out of the ordinary. Of course by that time, it was almost 6:00p so I missed that rush hour traffic. Okay, so from Wellesley College to the apartment I looked at took about an hour and a half, give or take a few minutes. I can live with that. I know some of you who live back in Indiana and have quick commutes are shuddering right now, but honestly, it wasn’t that bad. In a snow storm, other inclement weather, road construction, or traffic accidents, yay it might suck something fierce but it’s a headache I am willing to take on to be where I want to be; where I need to be. And the bottom line is the drive will have to be made at some point. Matt and I are moving to Salem. So I either drive the commute now or wait until he joins me. Either way it exists in my future. Absolutely nothing I can do about that unless I acquire one of the Jetsons’ flying cars.  Coming home, it took me the standard 4o minutes, granted it was 7:00p by that time. The good thing is, the apartment building is right there by Bridge Street which takes me directly to I95, the very road I need to get to Wellesley so I would bypass driving across Salem to leave and come home. Score. I also realize that if I left Wellesley College anytime after4:30p I would be stuck in dead stop traffic. That is for certain. So minutes do matter. Good thing I can power walk like nobody’s business to the garage to get the car.

I got home last night around 8:45p. After I parked the car, I called Barbie and talked to her for awhile. She was actually my escort into my building. I joked with her that at least someone would hear me being murdered like in that film with Sally Fields called “Eye for an Eye.” She didn’t find this amusing at all. I made it upstairs without incident HOWEVER I had spoken to the landlord on my ride back from Salem and Bob had not been served yet as the landlord knows he will be getting a very pissed off call from Bob when he does. Which means, it will happen today. Luckily, I have to work late and then I am going out to Framingham (about a ten minute drive outside of Wellesley) to look at an apartment at 6:00p. So following with my rearranged schedule, I should be getting home sometime around 7:00p tonight.

Okay, with all that said, my mother-in-law is hilarious. I love her to death and I genuinely appreciate her sense of humor. Her and I have that in common. So yesterday she and my father-in-law spent some quality time in gun stores in Ft. Lauderdale inquiring about stun guns, tasers, and mace. Now in Indiana, you can carry mace. You can buy it at Walmart, CVS, or any other drug store. Hell, a lot of times they come in a mini-can attached to a keychain. Not so in Massachusetts. If I want mace, I will have to drive to New Hampshire to purchase it where they “live free and die.”  Tasers are a BIG NO-NO here as well according to what my in-laws found out. I would be in serious trouble if caught with one. Maybe because it would more than likely kill Bob if I used it on him. In Indiana, you can carry a taser anywhere, out jogging, to the park, to the grocery store. In Florida apparently, you can buy them at flea markets!  So I imagine this fine day my in-laws had (in retirement no less) visiting various gun stores asking legal questions about the assortment items one might need to prevent bodily injury! So without further ado, I want to leave you with the email Barb (aka mother-in-law) wrote me yesterday in reference to the mace and tasers. I laughed so hard I cried. I kept thinking, “Shit, this can’t be my life, can it? It’s like David Lynch came in and started directing all of a sudden.” Well, I want my understudy to step in and take my place now. I gracefully bow out of this scene. May my understudy be over 6 feet tall and have a body builder body to kick the holy crap out of Bob or at the very least make him download heavily in his depends out of sheer fright.

(From Barb:)

My first to a gun shop….. 

Found out that a taser is HIGHLY frowned upon in Massachusetts.  You’ll be in more trouble than C-Bob.  Lesser problem – mailing it using FedEx, etc.  But the bigger risk is to you for having one of these.  Plus, it has a laser site and would require some degree of calm for you to aim it at him and fire it….but the thing would bring down a bull elephant and possibly kill him. 

Another option was a stun gun, but you have to put it on his abdomen and press the button.  Makes a lot of noise, would definitely disable him for a few moments since it hurts like hell, but I didn’t like the idea of you being right up on him in order to use it. 

Pepper spray – have a preferred foam action, which discharges from a distance (directions on the back) and covers a wide arc…sorta like silly string…but his eyes will be burning good after this.  Mass cops may slap you on the wrist for it, but definitely not as hard as they would if Bob is prostrate on your floor with the taser lines buried in his torso.  (the owner suggested using it and dropping it and leaving…except that you live there, that would be difficult to convince them).”


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Comments
  1. Barb Stahura says:

    Nothing says “I love more” than a gift box of pepper spray, tasers or stun guns. yeah, bath oils, scented candles, or my favorite exploding soup recipes just don’t compare!

  2. Erin says:

    that is awesome. I recently found out that my mother-in-law has a license to carry a concealed weapon! This actually scares me quite a bit….

    Anyway, 40 minute commutes aren’t so bad. I’ve been doing that for almost 2 years now. the risk of you getting stuck in traffic is much greater than mine though 🙂 Best of luck with your apartment hunt! I’m flipping the bird at Bob from here in Indiana! 😀

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