Witch City Woman

Posted: July 30, 2012 in Uncategorized

So it’s been a long time since my last confession, I mean blog but I have some valid excuses. I’ve been busy, plain and simple. For those who know me well, know that I can’t NOT work. I honestly wouldn’t know what the hell to do with myself if I wasn’t working a job. As you know, I am on an academic schedule at Wellesley College and so that left me to my own devices for the summer months. Hence, my need for a part-time job and thankfully for me, I work part-time for a kick-ass Witch store in Salem.

Most of my days consist of walking around in bitchin’ witchy goth outfits (that I already own) and pass out fliers to entice tourists to come into our shop for readings, merchandise, and to sign up for our Salem Witch Walk Tour. I love being outside despite the heat, or rain, or wind, or shitty-ass tourists. Not all of them are pleasant and full of wonderful things to say. Some of them are douche bags or giant perverts, or massive creepers who think I’m hot or cute or the devil incarnate or whatever. Those are the “Ew Factors” of my job. But for the most part, I enjoy talking to tourists, finding out where they are from, why they chose to visit Salem, and what they know about modern-day witchcraft. I have actually met a few families from Indiana! One from Evansville and another from Indianapolis who just happened to be a tattoo artist and knew my guy Damon! Small freaking witchy world. I have also made some really great friends being outside among the “barking community.” We are really a team that watches out for each other and protects each other from the major whack-a-doodles that tend to gravitate towards the more “prettier ones.” I will say the highlight of my weekend this week was making a small child cry as I tried to hand her mom a flier. She screamed, “I don’t want to see a Witch!!” But for every crappy kid that cries, there are a handful who think I’m awesome and want to pose for pictures with me. I can’t tell you how many countless family vacation photos I am apart of now. In a way, that’s kinda cool but freaky. I have no idea who these people are and there I am, with them in Salem. The best photo ops are when I am standing outside talking with my friend Eric who does the “1692 Tours.” He dresses like a Reverend of that time period, full-on garb. People always mistake him for either a pirate (which he looks NOTHING like) or a Puritan. So when they see a Witch talking to what they think is a Puritan, they about wet themselves with delight. Usually we are not even asked to be memorialized on film and instead are photoed as the trolly takes off down the street. Tourists.

In addition to this, I  have also made some really awesome friends by joining the Crow Haven Corner family. Firstly, there is my fabulous friend Nikki who is from Illinois. Yeah, Midwest people unite! There is nothing better than being able to hang with someone who understands that midwestern mentality, and of course, cow-tipping. Nikki is named after Nikki Sixx, from Motley Crue, which I think is severely kick-ass because I adore Nikki Sixx. I mean, anyone who dies from a heroin overdose with a needle still stuck in their arm, sees themselves dead, and then lives to only do more heroin that night is kinda badass regardless of your stance on drug abuse. Nikki’s parents are practicing Witches and they are the coolest family I’ve ever had the pleasure to meet. I will add also that Nikki’s mom is a year older than me which is kinda weird considering how close Nikki and I are and she could really be my daughter. I also want to point out that not only Nikki but her two younger brothers are some of the most mature people I’ve ever met and they are a decade (or more) younger than me. In fact, I’d say they are more mature than some of the 30-somethings I know who are just laying there doing nothing with their lives. I want to stress to those who think that growing up in a Witchcraft family will cause the children to be worthless, jobless, idiots without souls or religious values. In this case, the truth is just the freaking opposite. Nikki and her brothers were raised in a straight-up Witchcraft family and are some of the most amazing people I have ever had the pleasure to meet. And I know a lot of so-called “Christian” households that have raised total shitbags for kids. Just saying.

My other new family member is Jody. She has become my mother and good friend. She is just an amazing woman who is a Phoenix just like me. We have both been through some serious shit, made serious mistakes (that certain family members will NEVER let go or forget and constantly need to remind of us) and have risen above the bullshit ashes to be wicked awesome. I identify with Jody despite our age difference. Even though we grew up in different households, a lot of the same drama happened around us. It’s amazing how many people are put through the emotional ringer just because they are misunderstood. I admire her tremendously and really do believe that one of the reasons I was meant to work at Crow was to meet her.

And then there is my boss Laurie. She is probably one of the strongest, fiercest, guns-a-blazing woman I have ever met. I admire and fear this woman. She takes no shit from anyone and watches out for “her girls.” She is all about the “goddess energy” of her shop and we are a close knit group of powerful females. I will mention though, that her fabulous familiar Chico is a dude but that’s okay. He’s the coolest little dog I’ve ever met.

I’ve been enjoying my days outside and working behind the counter inside however, my hatred for children has been getting worse. I mean, I really can’t stand the little bastards. They come into the store crying, or whining, touching everything with their sticky gross fingers, and leaving smudges and germs and goddess-knows-what behind. And honestly most of the parents are just as bad because they seem to be relieved to get their kids in public so that countless strangers can watch them. Bullshit. I feel like that witch that will eat the children. (This would depend on how many calories they contain. I do like to eat healthy). When they overrun the store I think about how insane and chaotic the month of October is going to be in Salem. Particularly inside the store. We have a maximum capacity of 15 people meaning that there will be a line outside the shop for about an hour just to get inside to shop! I’m claustrophobic. If these people are inside with kids in tow, holy shit batman. I’ve been warned that most of the store crew drinks heavily during the month of October so I might be drunk blogging that entire 31 days. This is my early warning so do whatever you have to do to prepare yourselves.

Despite all this, I am really looking forward to my first October in Salem. I’ve always wanted to be here during that month and of course, on Halloween but we could never afford the trip nor the damn hotel room. So I suppose I’m ready for the crazy. At least for now, as I sit safely in my apartment at the end of July. There is always time to change my tune later and I more than likely will.

Summer for me is rapidly coming to a close. I go back to Wellesley soon. I can’t believe how fast it has all gone but I am really looking forward to seeing my colleagues again. Even though it will be a total shift in mindset to go from 24/7 practicing witch to research librarian/witch. I love having polar opposites in my life. I find this dynamic super interesting and can’t wait to see what new things I will encounter while being a member of the Salem community.

I live a cool life.

I am saddened to report that I did not finish the first edit through of my novel but I will be damn close. So that counts, I promise. I also did not even begin to retype the novel or do a rewrite but I did do a lot of rewriting and changing characters and other behind-the-scenes things so I am not totally disappointed in myself. Besides, I was out being the awesome witch that I am. What more could I ask?

I am also saddened to say that so far we have been unsuccessful in opening our second tattoo shop in Monessen. Despite Matt’s hounding of store owners and countless phone calls, no one seems interested in actually making money in rent. This the weird part. Monessen is a “one-horse” town and you would think that owners of vacant store fronts would WANT to rent out their spaces. One would think that but the answer is “no.” Matt thinks it is because everyone has given up on life and has already “cashed out” in terms of ever really turning the economy around. It’s depressing and frustrating as hell because we both really do think a tattoo shop would be a good money maker but no one will even give us a chance to try it out. In the meantime, Matt has visited Salem twice so that was awesome. I just wish he could go back to Monessen with a job to do. Until that happens, he is busy sculpting and working on independent projects until his classes start in October.

So until next time, know that the Hansel and Gretel totally deserved to spend some quality time in the big bad cauldron. They were eating the Witch’s damn house and no matter what fairytale land you think you live in, that’s called “property damage” people.

  1. Barb says:

    Love this!! H&G did some pretty big damage to the witch’s house. Poor witch probably had to pull several building permits, hound her insurance for compensation, and live under a tarp until the damage could be fixed.

  2. Wendy says:

    You are so right on the midwest mentality; my way or the highway. Peace out, people!!!
    And here is a new tour in Salem just for kids and their nonparent parents. Get on a bus and drive off a cliff.

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